Most astrologers begin their journey through thorough study and interpretation of their own astrological (mainly natal) chart. We all want to know what makes us "tick" as individuals, the "hows" and the "whys" to why we function the way we do, therefore we often spend hours delving into the clues that astrology can lay bare.
For myself, I think, my exploration of self is even more pronounced since I realized that I am sexually attracted to women.
My queerness was as big a shock to me as it was to everyone else in my immediate "world"; before the age of twenty-one, I neither displayed, nor particularly had an inkling of my burgeoning lesbianism.
Around the same time period, I also discovered my interest in astrology, and shopped and surfed the Internet accordingly.
I bought every book I could put my hands on (except sun sign retreads) and scoured the 'net for any info or software available. Months went by as I tried (I felt unsuccessfully) to interpret my own chart, to get a better "handle" on myself.
For instance: I could never understand why as a Capricorn I was supposed to LOVE work so much. Actually, I can be quite lazy and indulgent. After gaining the confidence to weave various aspects of my natal chart together, it hit me suddenly--Venus which is conjunct my Ascendant is in Sagittarius! I love keywords so I spell it out thus: Appearing (1st House) to Love (Venus) (Freedom) Sagittarius.
Yet, I wanted more. There were other aspects in my life which I wondered if the stars could help me ponder over.
So I started looking for astrological references to homosexuality.
At first, I was astounded that even astrologers could be so homophobic and critical of people who prefer their own sex. So many of the diagnoses I read, threw me for a loop. Being gay was usually seen as some "defective", "malignant" aspect--a hard square thrown in here, a dysfunctional opposition there, a badly configured conjunction thrown in for good measure...
Secondly, the more I read, the more it became apparent that no one knew "exactly" what aspect(s) were indicative of queerness. Neither homophobic astrologers nor homosexual stargayzers seemed to have any clear answers.
So I decided to put away the statistics and work on it myself. I'd use no data from other charts or read any rhetoric concerning this subject. Therefore, the basis of my findings are my own--for good or ill.
For the sake of privacy, I have decided to withhold my birth data. I have provided a gif of what my natal chart looks like.
I'm aware that most astrologers like to begin with the inner planets, especially the "lights" to begin a reading. I've always preferred starting with the houses since they are the "where" of an horoscope. I add the "hows" and "whys" as I go along.
Scorpio is on the Ascendant. I won't even go into this sign's reputation--even non astrologers are aware of Scorpio's supposed attributes. Scorpio's ruler, Pluto makes two major aspects: a square to Jupiter as well as a square to the sun.
How might this work itself out in a person's life? I'll offer both astrological terminology and my own life experience. Yes, I'm always attempting to transform and evolve my life to different stages of conscious. I battle issues of self-esteem constantly--even though I can be a jerk (Sun square Jupiter) but my sun is in Capricorn in the 2nd house (value and self-worth), square the planet (Pluto) that rules my Ascendant. People think me confident, but alas, I doubt my own abilities greatly.
Venus and Neptune in Sagittarius (10' orb) add a light, attractive dimension, but there is mystery, too. With Pluto ruling and Venus and Neptune residing in this house, I must say that not many people know who I am; I don't know who I am.
Note that Venus makes no big "hard" aspects in my chart. I do like to indulge.
Neptune on the other hand is opposite my Mars in Gemini which is in the 7th house of partnerships. This aspect for me is very telling, actually. I do have a kind of love/hate relationship with society (7th house) due to the fact that I am often judged harshly via wrong perception (Neptune 1st). Alas, I must admit to feeling a bit lost and distrustful--trusting others can hurt/weaken me, leaving me open to attack by others (Mars 7th).
I also consider my Mars/Neptune configuration as a kind of f_ you to society in that: to look at me no one perceives me as gay (Scorpio-Mystery) (Neptune-Illusion) and (Venus-Femininity of the (stereotypical sort.)
Perhaps I lean more towards women because society, represented by the 7th house with Mars within, has never understood me (Neptune 1st).
Mars in Gemini is quite mental--sex for me does begin in the mind. Its configuration with Neptune might also explain my inner fantasy life. Even in fantasy (I'm taking a breath, for this is a big admission for me) I never, ever imagine myself in a sexual act. Movie stars (both mainstream and pornographic) experience the sexual romps that I dare not try.
I'll jump to my fifth house where Aries is on the cusp and Jupiter resides. One would think that this configuration would call for grandiose passion, many suitors, big lust--(put your own Jupiter/Aries keywords here) but I seem to go through periods of extreme promiscuity and then its polar opposite--cold abstinence. I believe that the Jupiter/Pluto opposition might explain this. When I make changes in my life, they are big, they are radical, they are rebirthing processes. I'm extreme, in a Jupiterian way, therefore the world will always be black & white to me; sorry no grays.
Pluto in Libra in the 11th speaks volumes for me as well. Along with the 2nd house, most astrologers consider the 11th to be another self-esteem or value house--but these values come from other people.
How do they feel about me? What do others think about me? With Pluto (ruler of my Ascendant) in the 11th of friendships, associations and dreams, its apparent that most of the people I associate with can't get a "handle" on me. To my friends, I am ever changing, loving and fair (Libra on the cusp) sometimes irritable and mysterious, but always singular, individual and my own person.
Now I look to the eighth, the house of sex, death, taxes and mysteries. Gemini is on the cusp and Saturn in Leo resides within. What might this say about my sex life?
Saturn in Leo speaks of heartbreaks, or a cold heart. My heart's been broken and I've been accused of being heartLESS. It's probably a mental defense mechanism (Mercury ruling the 8th is in the 2nd house) I don't allow others to see my emotions easily. Throw in my Sun in Capricorn and you have the picture. I've been called cool, classy and confident, yet I doubt these attributes were always thought of as complementary to me.
Despite Saturn's position, I like sex a lot, but I do feel better when I connect with a person on a deep (8th house) mental (Gemini on the cusp) level.
Saturn is opposed to both Mercury and the Moon in my natal chart. Most astrological manuals say this positioning (especially the Moon) is indicative of problems with the parents, a disparate early home life and depression. These descriptions are all true in my case. Yet on a sexual level I look at it thus: The moon (women) is in Aquarius (an indicator of differentness)in the 3rd house (communications). Add Saturn (maturation, reputation) in Leo (love, sport, creativity, competition) in the 8th (sex, mysteries, delving deeper, death and rebirth). And now look at the opposition--perhaps a need to communicate with women on a level which society might find too different, too mysterious to fathom.
Uranus in my chart is exalted in Scorpio but resides in the 12th house (secrets, sorrows, unconscious, prisons). Uranus is square the Moon/Mercury conjunction. I like to explain it like this: A mental and emotional need (Moon/Mercury) to give over to different/strange (Uranus) desires and sexuality (Scorpio) leading to an unlocking or breaking (remember squares promote action!) of my inner, perhaps secret desire nature.
This is where I leave off my analysis, for I feel that every astrologer could write a full length based primarily on the natal chart. I don't feel as though I've unlatched the mystery to my sexuality or to the sexuality of others--the birth chart is merely a map of the time an individual was born; how they follow that map is up to the individual.
What my self-interpretation did make clearer for me was this: All the aspects and the planets and the houses work together to help form who you are. Ever notice how three or four aspects may say variations of the same thing about you? That's how it works--no one aspect or configuration can explain everything about a person, rather it is how each individual aspect works together that makes up the whole person.
*Just a note--I vaguely remember reading that Neptune held more sway over the horoscopes of female gays then did Uranus. The text was Homosexuality in the Horoscope by Karl Guenter Heimsoth. I will not quote him here (as I'm not using any author's interpretative methods per se) but I will say that I found the book rather odd in that the author used charts of known gays and people he only suspected might be homosexual.
published by Sy Scholfield - all rights reserved in all media